It feels like watching fall leaves
Whip in circles through the air, early sunshine
Staring you in the eyes, before the coffee’s made.
From the tension between your shoulders you know
There was something you should be doing,
A task left unfinished somewhere in sleep.
But there’s the wind, and the leaves
And sunshine, and trees.
And you watching it,
The last day before work and
Again the urgency feels foolish.
How can a few hours work measure to
A broken family, throwing as many bricks together as we can to fill the gaps.
They say everything with a baby is an unknown.
I did not know there would be blind panic.
People in pumpkin patches
Always manage to look like
I didn’t know
You could be passively dying.
But grandma isn’t doing that
The only way forward is to laugh,
Laugh and keep going.
You would think by now
I’d be used to feeling so sad,
Like like struggling to breathe in a rough ocean,
Without knowing why.
But I’m never ready for fingers I can’t move after I’ve slept on them either.