I have a question. For myself. Perhaps some of you have asked in your minds, but that is probably not the case because you are not me. Haha. In any case, here is the question:
What am I learning here?
Well, certainly school stuff. But even I see that as secondary (despite the fact that I’ll be learning things conducive to my major and understanding of the world). School isn’t why I’m here. Honestly, if I could I would probably just ditch school second semester and just go exploring. Find a job doing something and just go do it.
Culture. But what does that mean? Haha. I mean, I’m learning more than I consciously know about norms, forms of engagement and French culture just by living here. And I’m sure I’ll only continue learning more as things continue.
But what I’ve really started learning, and what I’ve heard from a lot of other people is what you learn, is myself. I am learning myself. I am learning what my fears are, what my assumptions are, and for the second time in my life, I have begun the process of re-evaluating. You see, after hiking that mountain with the girl who really, really had to push herself to do it, it made me think. If she is willing to push her comfort zone that far, what right do I have to stay in mine? I asked myself, what can I do? Who can I be? I’ve carried so many fears with me. Perhaps it is a curse stemming from just knowing so many things. I sometimes wonder how doctors aren’t all hypochondriacs. But that hike/climb made me think. I LOVED it. It was physically challenging, beautiful, new, wild – everything I love about being outside. And I looked at myself and this girl. And the sheer will and courage she had against the surety in myself. What can I do? I’ve always said “no” to skydiving. When my friends asked I always said, “no I could never do it.” But why not? That’s the thing isn’t it. That’s the question I’ve been missing. Why not?
Why not push your comfort zone? Why not see what you’re capable of? I mean, looking up at Mt. Sainte Victoire I was just like “how are we ever going to get up there?” And then we were. And then looking how far we had to go to get to the lake, “how are we ever going to walk over there” and then we were suddenly there. They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but I think people forget too that the WHOLE journey is just a single step. A single step followed by another single step.
What do you have to lose?
Why not try it?
Why not discover who you really are? When you place all the assumptions about yourself aside, what can you truly become?
That’s my reflection for the day.
And I intend to find out.